You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
