i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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