My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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