theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
