I think my fart just growled at me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
