I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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