mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
