mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
