how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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