it hurts more in the daytime
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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