Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
