I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
