i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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