Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
