I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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