just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
