ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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