I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
