Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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