if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
