DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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