I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
