I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
