Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
