did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
