Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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