I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
