I think I won the penis lottery.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
