I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
