I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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