you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
