So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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