Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I lost the right to judge tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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