I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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