My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
