I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
