But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
