Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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