3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize