I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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