He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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