If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
