he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my being single is dangerous.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
