Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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