I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is the high leading the old right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
