I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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