I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
