I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
