I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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