There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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