Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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