Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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