In the future we'll all be gay
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
