That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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