No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
where are my eyebrows?
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