I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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