we're blogging at a bar
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
