I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
