She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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