drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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