So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
