brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
