hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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