I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
