she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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