I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
