my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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