The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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